Reset

my feet resting on a lounge chair in front of a pool at night

Starting the blog from scratch again.
I haven’t had a proper “reset” in many years. I haven’t had enough downtime to catch up on sleep and eat healthy and read and have enough space in my brain to process everything that has happened since the last time I felt like I had a “reset”.
There’s probably many ways to have a reset: changing careers, moving to another city, taking some sort of sabbatical. I’m sure there are well adjusted and mentally healthy people out there for whom a walk in the woods is enough for a reset.
The only reset that I know that has ever worked for me is a seaside vacation. The last one I had was almost exactly 10 years ago.
After graduation, some of my best high-school friends and I went to Turkey for 10 days. It was great. We swam, we talked, we played cards, we went to drive ATVs. For me that trip was my little prize after a difficult senior year and a chance to rest and reset before whatever was coming next. But what I enjoyed most about that moment was the moment itself, and the fact that I didn’t have to think about what I’ve just been through and what I was about to go through. I still did, but I didn’t have to, and that made all the difference.

10 years have passed. A lot has happened since then; enough to fill a book1. I’ve been abroad, I’ve had vacations, I’ve started and stopped going to therapy, then started and stopped again. Still — no proper reset.

As of writing this, I’m in Turkey again. This time for 7 days. It’s great.

I was worried2 that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, worried that I wouldn’t know how to rest and how to decompress. Every other time I’ve been on vacation I struggled to leave my past worries behind. Even on a recent vacation that I took during a month of remote work in Amsterdam I felt like “yes, I am ‘on vacation’, but am I really resting?”
This time I’m really resting. I’m sleeping 8 hours a day. I’m reading a book3. My screen time has gone down, like, 90%4.
All the ideas for art projects and new daily routines are falling into place. It’s one thing to have them, another to properly consider and plan them, and another, still, to be in a mind space where I can take a look at it all from the side and properly assess what I’m actually capable of doing.

All of this is to say that it feels right to start here from scratch, so that’s what I’m doing.

Hello again! Thanks for tuning in.


Footnotes


  1. In short: living in Paris, moving back, my first job, the start of a long term relationship, moving out and into my first rented flat, then my second, then another job, getting a cat, getting my own apartment with all the additional events that leads to. Plus, throw in a revolution in Ukraine, an ongoing military conflict, and oh, of course — a global pandemic.  ↩
  2. Really worried.  ↩
  3. Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green  ↩
  4. This is a guesstimate. I haven‘t actually gotten the weekly report yet. But considering my phone is locked away in a safe for most of the day, I’m sure I can’t be anywhere close to my usual 5–6 hours a day + the time spent staring at my laptop screen trying to “do marketing”.  ↩

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